No Magic? Tough
by ipsa dixit
Summary: "Give me your wand." "In retaliation, I'd like one of your arms, then."/for ql


For Quidditch League, Round 7, Tornados seeker, write Write about a pureblood witch or wizard marrying a Muggle and learning how to use everyday Muggle technology like toasters, telephones or TVs.

Also, for building the burrow, a pureblood spending a day without their wand

Word Count: 1249 by Google Docs

* * *

"What are you staring at, Percy?"

Percy's mouth opened and closed several times.

"I don't understand," he said, looking to his wife for guidance. He had no idea what all these Muggle items were supposed to do, and he supposed that she would, seeing as they were all hers and she was, well, a Muggle herself. "What is this supposed to do? How in the world is this useful?"

Audrey went over from the boxes she was unpacking to stand next to him. He was staring at a toaster. She raised an eyebrow at him, not sure whether he was joking or not.

"It's for making toast."

"Toast," Percy repeated, picking up the wire. "And what does this part do?" He poked his finger at the prongs. Immediately, Audrey swatted his hand away.

"You plug it in, to turn it on."

Percy chuckled disbelievingly and turned to her. "What?"

"Percy, darling, I love you, but you're an idiot."

"I am not," he defended, shocked at the attack on his intellect. "I just don't see the need for all of these things." He gestured around to their almost unpacked kitchen, which featured many things Percy didn't understand, including, but not limited to, a blender ("There's a spell for that."), a microwave ("Why wouldn't you just use a simple heating charm?"), and an urn ("What's wrong with long-lasting heating spells?").

Audrey took the toaster away from Percy, setting it back on the counter behind them. She gently placed her hand on his shoulder, looking at him with pity in her eyes.

"Percy. Weasley," she said in her best teacher voice.

"Audrey Hall— Weasley." There was a grin on his face; he was pleased to get to call her by his last name, instead of her parents' last name.

"I challenge you to something."

"What?" Percy asked uneasily, the grin sliding from his face.

"I am going to teach you how to use every appliance here. Starting tomorrow, for a whole week, you are going to live like someone without magic."

"A Muggle," he automatically corrected, not fully taking in what she said. A second passed. Two. "Wait, what?"

"Give me your wand," she said, holding out a hand. Percy drew his wand, but didn't place it in her outstretched hand.

"Er... I don't think you understand how important a wand is to a wizard. See, in retaliation, I'd like one of your arms, then."

"No. Give me your wand." Audrey had one hand on her hip, one hand still outstretched, motioning impatiently for his wand,. Percy was reminded of his mother. He didn't like it. He also didn't like the idea of giving up his wand. It was his wand, for Merlin's sake!

"Or what?" he asked defiantly, straightening up a little bit and crossing his arms.

"I'll call your mother."

Percy faltered, but maintained his air of bravado. "Joke's on you, she doesn't know how to use the telephone."

"Joke's on you, I taught her how to. I am not using an owl to get in touch with her. Texting is much more efficient." She wrinkled her nose. "And cleaner."

Percy did not want his mother involved with anything about his own home life, so he slumped his shoulders, uncrossed his arms and handed her his wand, defeated. She perked up considerably, a smile spreading across her impish features.

"Come on, I'll teach you how to use a frying pan. You can make us breakfast tomorrow!"

* * *

He could do this. He could spend a week without his wand. He didn't need it. He would prove his wife wrong.

Just to spite her, he got up early to make her a nice breakfast completely done the Muggle way, with a frying pan, stove, bowls, the whole package.

With a deep breath, he rummaged in one of the still packed boxes until he found five bowls. He took them out and placed them on the counter.

"That should be enough," he reasoned.

He took the frying pan from the counter, where they had left it the previous night, and placed it, very carefully, on the stove.

"Okay, okay, Percy," he muttered to himself. "Now turn on the fire."

Wincing, sure that he'd get it wrong, he twisted the knob the way Audrey taught him; turning it to 'lit' and then moving the pointer down to low.

"Ah!" he yelled, as the fire actually lit in the hob. He quickly turned the knob down and breathed a sigh of relief, looking nervously towards their shared bedroom to see if he had awoken his wife. He hadn't, and he hadn't burned their new house down, either.

"Nice!" he told himself encouragingly, pleased with his efforts so far.

Taking another deep breath, he left the frying pan over the fire and moved towards the fridge.

"Eggs, eggs…" In the back of the fridge, he spotted a carton of eggs, with four eggs left. "Perfect!" Percy was pleasantly surprised to see how well his cooking was going. Doing things the Muggle way was going to be easier than he thought.

He strutted to the bowls, feeling very confident. He cracked all four eggs without dropping a single piece of shell, just how Audrey taught them, on one of their very first dates.

"Nice, Percy," he said again, pouring the eggs into the frying pan. He watched them simmer for a moment, before turning back to the fridge.

He needed something more for his breakfast.

"Pancakes!" he exclaimed to no one. Suddenly he remembered his wife was still sleeping and clapped a hand to his mouth, promising himself to only whisper from now on. He rummaged in their cupboards, but there was no pancake mix to be found.

"Okay, okay, it's fine." Percy went to their main hall and took some Muggle cash from where his wife kept it, just for him. It was time for his next Muggle test. "I'll just go to the store around the corner and buy some. Muggle money!" he grinned to himself, picked up a few pound coins and headed out the door, setting a course for the grocery store down the street.

* * *

He came home to utter havoc.

"Percy, what did you do?" Audrey was now awake, and glaring furiously at him. Her impish features didn't look so nice when her eyes were narrowed murderously and her nostrils flared as though they were ready to breath fire.

"I was making you some breakfast. Why, what happened?" Percy looked over her shoulder into the kitchen, where huge black smoke was billowing. Audrey looked like she couldn't decide whether to murder Percy, give him a hug, or just laugh and go back to sleep.

"You left the house," she said, laughing slightly crazily, "with a fire still burning."

"So?" Percy asked innocently, completely ignorant of the consequences of his dangerous actions.

"You can't do that!" she screamed at him, her fear getting the better of her. "Houses burn! We're lucky I woke up!"

"Oh," Percy said in a small voice, taking a deep breath. Audrey marched into their bedroom, leaving Percy standing there, alone, feeling bad about himself. She returned to him, carrying his wand.

"Here," she said, thrusting it into his hand. "Have it back. I do not want to die."

Percy took it, feeling awkward.

"Well, at least now it'll be easier for me to make you pancakes?" he offered.

Audrey closed her eyes for a count of three, her face relaxing and looking more fairy-like.

"Let's just go out."


End file.
